You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
