maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
