I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
should my penis look like a turkey
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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