I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
BRING THE BAGELS
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
