just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
