The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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