Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
