I accidentally burped into my bong.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
