i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
