just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
