Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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