I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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