Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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