you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
