Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
