i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
