Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
