Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
