She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
