So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
