Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
