good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
