If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
