I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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