I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
