i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
