I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There are leaves in my underwear?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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