cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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