She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
