Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
