just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
