Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
