dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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