Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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