Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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