take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
