oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
