I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
