I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
