I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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