Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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