The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
