shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
