its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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