last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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