is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
