i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
