I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
