I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
