True but thats because hes a fetus.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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