he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
